Two Thousand and Sixteen

Ah, two thousand and sixteen. You bitch. You started the year off by killing David Bowie, introducing the Zika Virus, and letting that fucking walking drive-in movie screen forehead, Peyton Manning, win Superbowl 50. You’d think after that disastrous start you’d at least have the decency to take your foot off the gas, but nooooooooooooooo. There was more feuding between Mr. and Mrs. Kanye West and Taylor Swift, some crap about Katy Perry being Jon Benet Ramsey (yes, that Jon Benet Ramsey), weird ass people is weird ass fucking clown suits, Corey Feldman in one of the worst dance numbers I’ve ever seen (Drake’s Hotline Bling notwithstanding), Pokemon GO, a gorilla named Harambe, Donald Trump actually WINNING the United States presidential election, celebrity deaths upon celebrity deaths upon celebrity deaths upon celebrity deaths, mass bombings, refugees and the never-ending argument about them, Brexit, the Flint Michigan water crisis, Obama visiting Hiroshima, the Orlando nightclub (Pulse) shooting killing at least 50, terrorism in France, Cleveland wins the NBA Championship, the Cubs win the World Series, Samsung Galaxy Notes exploding, and of course the 30 something people killed in a California warehouse fire. This is just a small sampling of the shit you just continued to shovel onto us, 2016. And you know the worst part? It’s not even all of these things I just listed…the absolute worst fucking part is that everyone is offended by it all. Everyone is offended by everything. Stand for the national anthem, kneel for the national anthem, sit for the national anthem, doing fucking cartwheels while naked during the national anthem…it really doesn’t matter because SOMEone will be offended by it. 2016, you just seemed to bring out all the offended people, ever. Offended by songs and tweets and kids movies. People being offended by people being offended. Wait, what? YES! People are actually calling for apologies because they’re offended by other people that were offended by other things. College students that need “quiet time” coloring because Trump won the election, and others holding “cry-in” protests. Cry-in protests. I beg all of you to picture the face I’m making right now. There was even a college protest at Oberlin that all grades below a C be abolished. Nice try, asswads. I don’t get it. When did everyone start believing that life should be handed to them on a silver platter with an apology for all the bad shit that’s happened? I wish I could say that I’m indifferent to all of these ridiculous people but they’re the ones that made 2016 as difficult as it was. My own personal demons aside, 2016 was a tough year to swallow. I’m not even talking about the celebrity deaths at this point. I’m talking about all of the stupid people with whom I’m forced to share my air. The useless wastes of space that invented the “participation trophy” and then got offended when people disagreed. No no no, wait, you can get offended and I should just shut up and not disagree with it? Talk about a one way street. I’m glad I’m not easily offended because, to be honest, I don’t think I could have handled it all this past year. I have a very small piece of advice for all the people offended by every little thing: SHUT UP!!! No, literally…shut up. Stop talking. No…no, stop. No one cares about what you have to say anymore.

It’s our turn. The people that actually understand the way world works and has always worked. The people that deal with offensive things every day and don’t go around complaining and whining and crying about it. 2016 sucked…and it wasn’t even 2016’s fault. And here lies my challenge…make 2017 better. People will die. People will be shot, bombed, stabbed, bullied, offended, heard, silenced, and everything in between. People will be violent and the innocent will suffer. But only time and people can prevent that. It can’t happen January 1^st or 2^nd or February or July…it’s going to take time but it can happen. I’m not asking you to smile at strangers or give money to charity. I’m asking you to step up. Make 2017 better for you, your family, your friends, and ONE person you don’t know. Just one. Stand up for someone being bullied. Step in and pay for something when a mom of four screaming kids can’t find her wallet at the grocery store. Say something when you should. Do something when you should. Don’t stand by and let shit ass people take over the world. Don’t turn and look the other way when something should be done. Make 2017 better. Grab it by the goddamn balls, look it in the eye, and stick a firecracker in its cockhole. Fuck 2017 and all of its offensive, evil, violent, mind-boggling plans. Kick it right in the dick. That’s my plan. I hope you all find the time to join me. #make2017better

And now, to all of those we lost in 2016; Pat Harrington Jr., 86, Keith Emerson, 71, Phife Dawg, 45, Mike Minor, 75, David Bowie, 69, Sir George Martin, 90, Alan Rickman, 69, Kevin Meaney, 60, René Angélil, 73, Dan Haggerty, 74, Abe Vigoda, 94, George Kennedy, 91, Pat Conroy, 70, Joey Feek, 40, Garry Shandling, 66, Patty Duke, 69, Zaha Hadid, 65, James Noble, 94, Bob Elliott, 92, Merle Haggard, 79, Daisy Lewellyn, 36, Doris Roberts, 90, Chyna, real name Joan Marie Laurer, 46,Prince, 57, Billy Paul, 80, Jon Polito, 65, Gordie Howe, known as “Mr. Hockey,” 88, Muhammad Ali, 74, George Gaynes, 98, Anton Yelchin, 27, Bernie Worrell, 72, Bill Cunningham, 87, Frank Sinatra Jr., 72, Bud Spencer, 86, Buddy Ryan, 85, Pat Summitt, 64, Elie Wiesel, 87, Michael Cimino, 77, Michu Meszaros, 77, Gene Wilder, 83, Anna Dewdney, 50, Ken Howard, 71, Alexis Arquette, 47, Kimbo Slice, Jean Shepard, 82, Jose Fernandez, 24, Arnold Palmer, 87, Leonard Cohen, 82, Robert Vaughn, 83, Leon Russell, 74, Florence Henderson, 82, Joseph Mascolo, 87, Fritz Weaver, 90, Dave Mirra, 41, Van Williams, 82, William Schallert, 93, Andrew Sachs, 86, George Alaskey, 63, Alan Young, 96, Alan Thicke, 69, Bernard Fox, 89, Craig Sager, 65, Ricky Harris, 54, Zsa Zsa Gabor, 99, Richard Adams, 96, George Michael, 53, Carrie Fisher, 60, Debbie Reynolds, 84, and the many, many more I didn’t list, may you all rest in peace.

Happy new year, all.

Lawsuits

You know what bothers me the most about America today? Sure, there are lot of things you could talk about. Poverty, unemployment, healthcare, tuition costs…it’s all bad. But the worst thing? The absolute WORST thing!! These fucking people that think they deserve something for nothing. Now, I’m not talking about welfare. I’m not talking about refugee support or illegal alien support and any other crap this country has fucked itself into. I’m talking about Lawsuit Larry. Those fucking people that have no idea what personal accountability means. They walk into Walmart, pick up a pot off the shelf to look at it, lose their grip, drop on their foot breaking a toe, and then sue Walmart for it. They dropped it on their own fucking foot and are now suing Walmart because somehow Walmart was responsible for their fucking fat, sweaty, tobacco covered, McDonald’s fries grease ridden hands losing their fucking grip on a pot. You fucking asshole.

There’s nothing left in this country when some cock can sue Red Bull because it didn’t actually give him wings and a court of law proceeded with it. We’re living in a country that the rest of world hates, not because we’re full of ourselves, or fat, or lazy (well, maybe a little because we’re lazy) but because we’re whiney little fucktards that feel so entitled to get something for doing absolutely nothing that if ANY one dares to say the word “no” to us, we’ll go whine and cry to anyone that will fucking listen. News outlets. Social media. Lawyers. I used to hate lawyers. I thought they were the scum of the earth for some of the things they do. But then I realized; it’s not their fault. That’s their job. It’s their fucking clients’ fault. These fucking people that just can’t seem to get a grip and accept that something could POSSIBLY be their fault. These people that suddenly whine and cry to anyone that will listen when they fell over their own nine inch, platform, knee-high boots on a dry concrete floor. It couldn’t possibly be their fault, it MUST be the fault of company that clearly does a good job of maintaining a clean and dry floor that you couldn’t figure out how to fucking walk on. God forbid someone tells this “patron” that it was her fault. She might get offended and give a shit Yelp review because she fell on her ass.

Hey look, I’m all for corporate accountability. If it’s their fault, then it’s their fault. But how about some personal accountability, too. The fact that I have to suffer through commercial after commercial after commercial for personal injury lawyers makes me want to stab myself in the fucking face. “Did your doctor try to save your life? SUE HIM!” Christ, this country is just full of entitled little fairies. Hell, I’ll probably get sued for writing this. Some fuckass will get offended because he sued someone sometime about something and he feels I was talking directly to him when I said “whiney little fucktard”. You know what, pal? I was. Take it and shove it in your prissy little ass.

Fuckers.

General Racism

Dear Brockton High School students that decided it would be a good to stage a walk-out protest because you feel the demerit system is unfair to people of color...you're almost everything that's wrong with this world.

I don't know if the demerit system is fair to all...I don't know if racism is running rampant in Brockton High School...what I do know is that if you get to school on time, you keep your nose clean, and you treat others with respect, the demerit system will be the least of your problems. You 50 students that walked out today because you feel you're being unfairly targeted by the discipline system? I don't know anything about you...except for the fact that I'll either be reading your under-educated, under-qualified resumes in a couple years or you'll be delivering my pizza. Either way, cut the shit. Go back to class, learn a thing or two, treat your teachers with respect, and for the love of god put a little effort into making something of yourself without believing that it should be handed to you.

Racism is a terrible thing. It's something that plagues our everyday lives. I can't explain those unbelievably bigoted white folk that can't accept other races. I also cannot and will not be held accountable for those people. I never owned slaves. I don't speak negatively about other races. I'm not racist. What most of you fail to realize is that by crying racism at every turn, against every white person, you are supporting racism. You are, in fact, a racist for crying racism at every single turn. I'm not a racist because I stopped you with stolen goods, I'm doing my job. You're calling me a racist because I singled you out? No, I singled you out because you're standing outside with $500 of unpaid product stuffed down your pants. You're only calling me racist because I'm white...and that's racist. You weren't there when I stopped the white people from stealing, but that doesn't matter to you. I only stopped you because you're not white. I'm not downplaying racism...I'm not denying its existence...I'm only trying to deliver the verbal slap that not everything is racist and claiming that it is is racist. Confused yet? Well...that's probably because you're too busy cutting class to protest instead of learning. Get your heads out of your asses. Stop being stupid. Get back in class and figure out a way to kill the stereotype instead of living it.

The Brockton protests because kids are being disciplined is probably the worst thing I've seen in quite some time. Know how to stop worrying about the disciplinary system? Stop fucking off. Know how to avoid jail? Don't break the law. It's pretty simple...but there are those that just keep fucking it up.

Racism is real...I know that because I'm accused of it every day for doing my job...that's pretty racist.

Peace.

Boston

On April 15th, 2013 the country, Massachusetts and, locally, Boston was rocked to its core. Whether domestic or foreign, terrorism struck one of our most beloved of events. An event so popular that athletes from around the world participate for elitism, fame and most importantly goals of excellence. This event, as you all know by now, was the Boston Marathon. Did this act of terrorism shake us? You bet your ass it did. Did this act of terrorism break us? Never.

My fellow Bostonians, this event was further proof that our spirit is strong. It is further proof that you can hit us where it hurts the most and we’ll still get back up and get up quickly. We won’t stay down. We won’t allow you to shatter us into feelings of fear and hibernation. Give us an hour and we’ll walk the same streets that you cowards struck, and we’ll walk them with our fingers in the air hoping that you’ll see us. We’re a tough people. I’ve seen pictures that people have shared stating that whoever committed these atrocious acts “messed with the wrong city”. I agree 100%. I don’t agree because of the screams for justice or the screams for revenge. I agree because you can’t keep us down. You can’t stop us from being Boston.

The outcry of support from around the sports world, country and world give us further commitment to press on in the face of evil. All eyes are on us, Boston. Will we allow these gutless malcontents to keep us from living our lives? In typical Boston fashion I offer you this response: FAHK YOU! I’m going to get in my cah, drive down to Fenway freakin’ Pahk, order a beeah and enjoy my fahkin’ life as a life-long, proud and true Bostonian! I’m going to walk the streets of Boston with pride in my fahkin’ haht and show you that you can’t stop me!

Whether you were born in Boston, grew up in Boston, moved to Boston or even heard of Boston you know damn well that you can’t stop us. We ARE Boston! You may bend us…but you’ll never fahkin’ break us.

Peace and love to all my Bostonian brethren.

Raise Your Own Kids, Don't Make Us Do It

Well, folks...another snapper head has drawn the ire of this blog writer. A while back I wrote about ass-head parents trying to get Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer off the air because it "may contribute to bullying". It seems another "father of the year" has his own take on the Charlie Brown Halloween special.
If you care you can find the blockhead's blog post here:
http://blogs.babble.com/kid-scoop/2012/10/20/its-time-to-retire-charlie-brown/
If you don't care to see what he has to say and would prefer I recap it for you...good on ya, here we go:
This gentleman is unhappy with the Charlie Brown Halloween special because he feels the children in the show use words such as "dumb", "stupid" and "blockhead" because he feels it's a form of bullying that his two kids (5 years old and 2 years old) may be influenced by. He even likens the use of these words to be as bad as "another four letter word that rhymes with firetruck". He further attempts to state his case by saying that the parents in the cartoon are joining in on the bullying of Charlie Brown by giving him rocks instead of candy like the other kids. I find this act by the parents to be hilarious. Honestly, would we all love Ole Charlie as much if he wasn't constantly picked on? Hell no.
Here lies my message to this guy:
Raise your own kids, don't expect others to do it for you. If you don't want your kids to watch it then change the channel. Don't try to punish the rest of us because some girl kept pulling the football away while you were trying to kick it in middle school. It's a cartoon. It's a piece of entertainment that we've all loved for years. It's not time to retire Charlie Brown, it's time to embrace the entertainment and to raise your own kids without looking to public television as a cause for concern. Bullying is controlled by parents, not television.
Now that you've all read my take, weigh in. And please stop by this guy's blog to let him know, too. I did. :)

Political Ventures

I'd like to say that I'm smart enough to know the viewpoints and beliefs of all political parties. I'd like to be able to tell you that while I may not agree, I can see where most people are coming from. I truly wish I could explain what it means to be Republican or Democrat or bi-partisan or conservative or liberal or whatever. I know enough to know what each term IMPLIES, but I'm far from understanding each viewpoint.
That being said, with the 2012 presidential election rapidly approaching, I've come to find out, through social media, that I hate most of the people that talk during elections. Facebook friends, news personalities, pretty much everyone that has "an opinion" and tries to shove it down my throat. So I've decided that for the next two months, I'm going to start my own political party. It's open to everyone and will be called "Admittedly Ignorant". The rules are simple to become a member of this party:
1. Don't talk about politics.
2. Don't talk about elections.
3. Don't ask who I'm voting for.
4. Bring beer.
Simple enough. So come join the Admittedly Ignorants. We have beer and absolutely no political outlook.

Awkward Moments

That awkward moment when...

...you realize your daughter doesn't care how short her shorts are.

...you realize you enjoy using hair conditioner and a "lufa".

...you realize the department store girl folding shirts saw you put all those clothes back on the wrong rack.

...you realize you weren't alone in the men's room when you let out the kind of fart that could end a marriage.

...you realize you're probably going to have to get a tatto of the team you hate because in your ignorance to realize your team isn't unbeatable you made a stupid bet with your sister.

...you realize you never actually "win" a game of solitaire because you're only playing yourself.

...you realize saying "That's what she said..." when your 8 year old says something probably wasn't the best idea.

...you realize, in an empty men's room, the weird, smelly guy that just walked in chose the urinal right next to you and is now staring.

...you realize you just sent a "sext" to your mom.

...you realize that by trying to read that girl's shirt, everyone around you now thinks you were blatantly staring at her boobs.

...you realize everyone is now listening to that one song on your iPod that no one was ever supposed to know you liked.

...you realize you just said "you too" when someone says, "happy birthday".

...you realize you just became "that guy".

...you realize your girlfriend has a hair appointment so when you get home you compliment her new hair style, but she canceled the appointment.

...you realize the guy you were messing with while driving down the street is now out of his car and three times the size of you.

...you realize the batteries in your tv remote are probably dead but you might get one more channel change if you just hit the button harder.

...you realize Pitbull calls himself Mr. Worldwide after arguing for an hour that "the song ISN'T Pitbull!!! It's by some guy Mr. Worldwide!!!!"

...you realize RuPaul is a guy.

...you realize the person you've been talking about for 10 minutes is standing behind you.

We've all been there...peace.