Undeniable Truths

I've compiled a small list of undeniable truths that, I'm pretty sure, everyone can agree on. While my blogs are almost always opinion, this one can be viewed as full of facts. Off we go...

- Parents are raising a new generation of wussies. I thought the argument of whether or not it was ok to say "under God" while saying the pledge of allegiance was pretty ridiculous, but since that argument a few years ago, new and improved ignorance has surfaced. In the last couple days, a group of parents against bullying have attempted to get Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer taken off the air forever. Why? Because of the scene where Rudolph is "bullied" and laughed at by the other reindeer when the black covering falls off his nose and reveals his glowing red nose. That's right, folks, this family favorite is no longer about a loveable reindeer who overcomes his own insecurities and leads Santa to Christmas Eve victory by using his god-given beacon of truth to show the way through the bane of fog and rain...no, that's not the moral anymore. The new moral must be what we all missed while we were growing up. I must have missed the part where Rudolph gets laughed at, runs away in tears, plans mass homicidal revenge, and, after gunning down 35 reindeer at his old school, hangs himself in his garage. I missed that part growing up. So, thank you, new generational parents. Thank you. You're making it easier for my kid to kick your kid's ass.

-The oft-used phrase "There are two types of people in this world..." can be used for hundreds, nay, thousands, nay, dare I say, millions of possible combinations. Just because you came up with your own, doesn't mean you have an original idea. Original ideas are ideas that have NEVER been used before. Like the guy that invented the wheel, or shoes, or toilet paper. Not the guy/gal that came up with "There are two types of people in this world: people who are Irish and people who aren't" or the guy/gal that said "There are two types of people in this world: people who live and people who die". Those are not original thoughts. Those are stolen quotes using the wrong words. If I were to say, "There are two types of people in this world: people who like candy and people who don't", how is that original? How about "There are two types of people in this world: people that ride horseback naked on the beach during a full moon but only in December because it's cold out and it makes them feel more alive when they feel the negative degree weather combined with the splash of the cold ocean water on their private parts and people who don't", is that original? No, it's not. You know what that is? Stupid.

-Fifteen to twenty years ago when cell phone usage really started to erupt, cell phones were huge. And when I say huge, I mean in size. Bag phones, and car phones, and everyone remembers that huge brick phone that Zack Morris used to have in Saved by the Bell. In the following years, cell phones got small and smaller. Brick phones became "bar" phones and "flip" phones. Everything got smaller. By now, we all would have thought that phones would be much like Derek Zoolander's phone, roughly the size of a dime. But something happened. What you ask? I have no freaking idea, but phones are freaking HUGE again!!! A friend of mine walked by me the other day talking on his new smartphone and he looked like he was talking into in VHS cassette!! I've seen flat-screen tv's smaller than this phone. Look, I get the need for technology, and if a phone does more, it probably should be a little bigger in size. But, honestly...do I really have to look like Zack Morris walking through the halls of Bayside?

-Fire is hot.

-Water is wet.

-People that like the Yankees, Jets, or Canadiens suck........fact.

PEACE!!!