United States Government

The United States gonvernment CAN in fact be trusted. No, really, they can. I've compiled a small list of subjects in which they really shouldn't be trusted, but outside of this list, its perfectly fine. Here's my list of when NOT to trust the US government. When they're talking about:

The country's budget, terrorism, war, law, government, baseball, food, wrist watches, football, computers, Diet Coke, cell phones, iPhones, iPads, iPods, basketball, liquid white-out, oranges, little girls' hair styles, pavement, box cutters, criminal behavior, cb radios, retail businesses, weather, marriage, sex, drug and alcohol dependancy, Oprah, hockey, money, business cards, paper suppliers, left-handed scissors, smudge-proof ink, daytime tv, coffee, post-it notes, NCAA eligibility, freedom of speech, freedom of religion, underwear, languages, CCTV, golf, kidnapping, cat-napping, Windows Vista, water polo, white boards, black boards, chalk, acne, Jimmy Hoffa, chess, checkers, Minesweeper, anger, beauty, apples, boats, Nascar, little boys' hairstyles, Reebok, Nike, New Balance, Skechers, erasers, CIA, FBI, DEA, ATF, pencil shavings, microphones, that little piece of toilet paper that sticks to your butt after wiping, Ford, Chevy, Toyota, Saab, phone chargers, irony, art, sports drinks, video games, pornography, the Rocky box-set, music, rap (no, I don't consider that music), Alyssa Milano, full-serve/self-serve gas stations, Sprite, tea, iced tea, green tea, rice cakes, pants, shirts, ties, jackets, socks, fingernail clippings, Wal-Mart, typos, ring around the collar, five golden rings, bosses, Al Capone, linoleum flooring, aluminum siding, house prices, car prices, gas prices, milk prices, hooker prices, school, pole dancing, gender realization, homosexuality, gum, equal rights, racism, sexism, agism, theology, scientology, sociology, biology, Whitey Bulger, scotch tape, alarm systems, Boston accents, hunters, mages, paladins, legal drinking age, legal blood alcohol level, elevators, times of crisis, Entertainment Weekly, hurricanes, tornadoes, potatoes, tomatoes, tacos, McDonalds, Burger King, phlegm when you're really thirsty, lisps, lists describing when not to trust the government, earthquakes, sink holes, Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Fred Flintstone, nipples, condoms, emergency exits, snow plows, The Crying Game, the three branches of the federal government, Bill Gates, fine dining, bed sets, interior decorating, fonts, birthdays, holidays, Presidents' Day, Flag Day, Independence Day (the movie, not the 4th of July), the 4th of July, bootlegging, eye color, my hair style, facial hair, Lori Dernier's baseball team preference, workers' compensation, all 50 states and Puerto Rico, that feeling you get when you're JUST about to sneeze but then can't so your nose starts to hurt and your eyes water and everyone around you thinks you're a wuss because you're crying for no reason, clip boards, clip art, clip-on ties, blogs, Facebook, Twitter, the entire internet, sports betting, fire, smoking, careers, procreation, abortion, the death penalty, Microsoft Word, the value of pie, the value of pi, chicken marsala, Jell-O, HTML, mailboxes, the US Postal Service, UPS, FedEX, credit cards, credit debt, mandatory drug testing, pressing '1' for English, health benefits, short term diability, long term disability, STD's, speeding, speed, crack, cocaine, Colombian drug lords, organized crime, the argument of whether or not Roberto Luongo regrets his comments regarding Tim Thomas, the age-old argument still plaguing the world today of 'great taste' or 'less filling', the Statue of Liberty, the statute of limitations, Mandarin Chinese, Cantonese Chinese, Taiwanese Chinese, customer service, cherry pies, flowers, national security, whether or not Tiger Woods is black, dust, mud, manure, photography, pens, rulers, measuring tapes, whether or not my bologna has a last name, garden salad, chicken salad, egg salad, egg white omelettes, and world peace.

Other than when they're talking about those subjects, its perfectly acceptable to trust the United States government.

Trust on, my friends. PEACE!!!