Battle of the Sexes

Question...

Why in the hell do women always tell men that there's nothing wrong when its clear as day that there is?

The passive aggressive nature of women absolutely amazes me....and you know what? This is coming from a guy that has pissed off his fair share of women. Every guy reading this is thinking "Oh, haven't we all" and while the expectation is that I will sit here and try to explain to you that I've pissed off more women than any of you have but I know that I haven't. I know that we all have pissed off plenty of women. Shit, its in our nature. And half the time we don't know we're even doing it. You know why? BECAUSE THOSE GODDAM WOMEN WON'T TELL US!!!!

Let's touch upon something here.............when a guy gets angry, he does all he can NOT to piss all over the furniture to mark his territory. Everyone around him knows he's pissed off. And 90% of the time, everyone around him knows WHY he's pissed off. It could be a reason as small as a stain on the carpet or a reason as big as the Red Sox blowing another game because Terry Francona brought in the wrong relief pitcher and that pitcher ended up giving up four runs in the seventh inning because he didn't get enough warm up time and THEN EVERYTHING JUST GOES WRONG FROM THERE BECAUSE THAT LOUSY BUM CAN'T THROW A BASEBALL..............sorry...........got off topic there.....anyway, the reason that everyone knows why he's pissed off is because we're trained. We're trained by women to be up front and honest. Not only are we trained but we're commanded to be so because if we don't, we have to deal with the constant nagging of a woman that NEEDS to know why we're pissed off. So we just save time, do our best to shut her up, and say what's wrong.

Oh, but not women. The same woman that has us trained to not only be "open" and "honest" but also to fetch the damn paper on command, has that inevitable talent to make us guess what's wrong with her no matter what. How many guys have been through this scenario:

Guy: "Honey, I'm going to watch the game with the guys tonight."
Insane woman: "Ok, have fun." (with slight disdain)
Guy: "Are you ok with that? I won't go if you don't want me to."
Insane woman: "No, no, its fine. Have fun with your little friends."
Guy: "Wait, what's that mean? I just want to go out and watch the game."
Insane woman: "I said it was fine. I'll be here doing laundry. Enjoy."

And with that last statement, the guy already knows that he's in trouble for even THINKING about going out to watch the game. Why is he in trouble? BECAUSE ITS PROBABLY THE F***ING 3 YEAR, TWO MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIRST KISS YOU HAD THAT WAS ON A TUESDAY NIGHT AFTER EATING CRUNCH BERRIES!!!!! SHOULDN'T WE REMEMBER THAT?!?!?!?! WHO COULD POSSIBLY FORGET THE F***ING CRUNCH BERRIES?!?!

Its amazing to me how women can be so open to their friends about their ass looking fat in a certain pair of pants while they make guys play cherades without the benefit of actions to figure out what the hell is wrong with them!!!!!

Ladies.....be honest......its all about the mystery. A guy absolutely HAS to be open and honest about everything while you can sit back, relax, and make them guess everything. Its all about the mystery. Its all about never letting a guy figure you out. Because if he does......you change everything around. The mystery is letting us believe that black is actually white, and once we figure out that black is actually white, IT SWITCHES RIGHT THE F**K BACK TO BLACK BEING BLACK!!!! Love eggs over easy?!?! Fantastic!!! That's how we'll make them!!! Of course, after the third time of making eggs over easy, suddenly you prefer them scrambled!!!!!!!!!!!! Why didn't we know this?!?!?! We are such awful human beings!!!! By now we should know that you've had eggs over easy for the third time in fifty freakin' years so now you want them scrambled!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you know what ladies? Truth be told......we don't want you to make it easy on any of us. As much as we hate to admit it.........we're going to love you anyway.

Peace.