Superheroes...

Superheroes....

Would the world be better off with them or are we better off without them? Let's talk about this for a second...what better way to spend a snowy Sunday morning than to ponder such important topics?

I figure there are a lot of pros and cons to superheroes actually being real. The ultimate pro obviously being the hot women in tight clothes or next to nothing that could toss me around like a rag doll. On the other side of that, the ultimate con would be men in tight clothes or next to nothing that could toss me around like a rag doll. You have to take the good with the bad, I guess. But what about the less than obvious pros and cons?

Sure, superheroes would be extremely helpful for the crime in society. Who, other than the obvious psychos, would honestly try to rob a bank with guys like Superman around? You have to doubt the validity of the Superman movies...if he was actually real, there is no way in hell there would be as much crime as Superman fights in those movies. To take that a step further, Superman would probably be bored off his skull sitting around doing nothing because of the lack of crime simply because of his existence. But what about Batman? He can't get around like Superman can. If you see a news report that Batman is currently fighting crime in New York...just rob a bank in Boston!!! Batman wouldn't be able to get there in time! Hell, he probably wouldn't even know about it until he read it in the paper the next day. Useless S.O.B., that one.

But other than the big crimes...would you be able to hire superheroes for your own personal reasons if they existed? If I was in a contest for a team swim, could I throw Aquaman a grand to anchor the team? What about a foot race? Would the Flash be available? What if it wasn't a contest? What if I had an annoying neighbor that I wanted to beat down? Everyone has at least one....you know who I'm talking about...that crazy guy that shovels his driveway in July for no reason and the only meal he really enjoys is a paste he makes out of Miracle Whip and Pixie Stix...would a superhero be willing to be paid to beat on him a little bit until he's a little more sane? A superhero like........say.........Green Lantern?

If superheroes existed solely for crime fighting purposes, then the likelihood of needing so many would be pretty stupid. Especially since the men outnumber the women about three to one. Wonder Woman? Bring it on. Green Hornet.......dude just stay home.....we all know you'd be nothing without Kato anyway.

Side note: While we're talking about green superheroes.....I used to be pretty sure that Aquaman was the most useless of all superheroes......if you happen to be robbed while under the ocean, you'll be all set but other than that....you're pretty screwed. However, I now have a new opinion...Aquaman has taken the number two spot for most useless superheroes....number one? The Green Arrow. What the f*ck is this guy's issue? He shoots a bow and arrow....wow. Could you imagine trying to steal a purse in downtown L.A. and suddenly some guy in green tights and a Peter Pan hat comes out of nowhere and threatens you with a bow and arrow? Dude......what the f*ck....

Anyway, in my humble yet over exaggerated opinion.....unless a superhero would be willing to fight crime WHILE being on the take for certain selfish errands.....there's no real reason for them to exist........unless its Dream Girl from Marvel comics........growl......

PEACE!!!!